Beyond the wellness ideal: finding your own path to health and fertility

For much of my life, I believed that being healthy meant looking a certain way.

A particular body shape, a certain size, being fit, productive and always moving forward. I had absorbed a rather narrow definition of health, shaped by society, the fitness industry and a culture that celebrates being busy.

Rest? That usually meant keeping busy in a different way.

I hadn't truly experienced what it felt like to be deeply rested. To inhabit an unhurried body, free from the constant feeling that I should be doing something more.

And although I looked healthy according to many of these standards, my body was telling a different story.

I experienced insomnia, anxiety, painful and irregular menstrual cycles, hormonal imbalances and difficult mood shifts.

Preparing for pregnancy became an invitation to question everything I thought I knew about health.

What if being healthy wasn't about how my body looked, but how it actually felt to live inside it?

That question changed so much for me.

1. When wellness becomes another performance

The wellness industry often presents a surprisingly narrow picture of what health looks like.

Beautifully composed meals, lean bodies, carefully planned workouts, supplements, morning routines and endless ways to optimise ourselves.

And while many of these practices can be valuable, it's easy to lose sight of why we're doing them.

Are we nourishing our bodies because we love and respect them? Or because we're trying to live up to an ideal we've seen somewhere?

I began to realise that even my attempts to become healthier were sometimes driven by the same pressure that had left me feeling exhausted in the first place.

More discipline. More effort. More doing.

But our bodies aren't projects that need endless improvement. They're living, responsive systems that deserve our attention, care and curiosity.

2. Rediscover the importance of pleasure

One thing I feel is often missing from conversations about wellness is pleasure.

We talk about nutrient ratios, exercise plans and healthy routines, but what about the simple joy of eating something delicious, laughing with friends, dancing, being touched, feeling loved or enjoying intimacy?

Pleasure isn't something we need to earn after we've done everything else correctly. It's part of being human.

And there's fascinating biology behind our capacity for connection and enjoyment. Oxytocin, sometimes called the bonding hormone, plays important roles in childbirth, breastfeeding and social bonding. It's one example of how deeply connected our emotional and physical experiences are.

For me, rediscovering pleasure meant allowing food to be enjoyable again, movement to feel good and rest to be something I could embrace without guilt.

What if we stopped asking only whether something is healthy, and also asked whether it brings us joy?

3. Discover what genuine rest feels like

For a long time, I confused resting with doing something less demanding.

Reading while thinking about my to-do list. Going for a walk while listening to something educational. Filling every quiet moment with another activity.

Even relaxation had become productive.

Through my own journey, I began discovering what it meant to truly slow down and reconnect with my nervous system. Not simply doing less, but becoming more present in my body.

This is something Adrien and I continue to explore through our Unhurried Life podcast and writing.

We've learned that genuine rest is not always easy when our bodies have become accustomed to constant stimulation and activity. Sometimes slowing down requires practice, patience and a willingness to sit with what we feel.

Something to explore: The next time you have a quiet moment, resist the urge to fill it immediately. Pause. Notice your breath, your body and the sensations around you. Ask yourself: What does rest actually feel like in my body?

4. Learn to question what healthy means for you

As I began paying closer attention to my body, I noticed something important.

The practices that were celebrated as healthy weren't always the ones that made me feel well.

A challenging workout might feel wonderful one day and exhausting the next. A nourishing meal could be satisfying without looking anything like the perfectly composed plates we see online.

And sometimes the most supportive choice was simply to say no, stay home or make room for something enjoyable.

This doesn't mean abandoning knowledge or dismissing expert guidance. It means learning to combine that knowledge with your own lived experience.

Your body is not a trend. And your health is not something you need to prove to anyone.

Perhaps the most useful question becomes: Is this choice genuinely supporting the way I want to feel and live?

5. Keep coming back to yourself

I wish I could say that once I understood all of this, I never felt the pressure again.

But I still catch myself slipping into old patterns.

Especially now, with motherhood and postpartum life, there are so many expectations about what we should look like, how we should parent and what we should be achieving.

It's one of the reasons I've chosen to step away from social media.

Even when we know better, it's easy to begin measuring ourselves against other people's lives.

So I keep returning to the same reminder: health and vibrancy aren't things I need to demonstrate on the outside. They're qualities I want to experience within my own body. And that requires listening. Again and again.

A different starting point for preconception

Looking back, one of the most meaningful parts of preparing for pregnancy wasn't discovering another supplement, exercise routine or nutritional strategy.

It was beginning to redefine what health meant to me. Moving away from the pressure to look healthy and towards the experience of feeling nourished, rested, connected and alive.

I still love learning about nutrition, movement and the incredible biology of our bodies. But I want that knowledge to enrich my life, not become another set of standards to live up to.

Because the goal isn't to look like the picture of perfect health. It's to feel at home in the body you're living in.

This philosophy is woven throughout the Storka Preconception Wellness Programme, where science-backed learning meets a more conscious, compassionate approach to preparing for pregnancy.